my sexual orientation is straight
At a recent retreat I attended, I confessed that the only fear I have is being physically/mentally incapable of doing the things I love, and whoopdy-fucking-do my ability to play volleyball has been severely limited thanks to the inflammation of my patellar tendon. Fuck everything.
I fail to come out to my coach about my problem because I know I can fight through it, but my shot mental game, leading to poor performance, leading to seemingly overall lack of motivation has led my coach to take away playing time and label me as a lazy ass. I have been very frustrated with myself as of late, and there’s really nothing I could do about it. All I want to do is fucking play! I don’t come out to my coach about it because, even though I don’t play during games, at least I get court time during practice, but what good is it to go all out when my knee is just going to continue to cry like a little bitch? The only difference in telling my coach would be that I lose playing time during practice as well.
It is my senior year and my fourth year playing this sport, and nothing has been going my way for this season. On top of my personal problem, I and the rest of the team have dealt with forfeiting all our games because one player couldn’t make grades, and losing our main setter, the heart of the team, to an unfortunate accident (no, he didn’t die). I just wish for things to improve from here on out. I wish for our team to completely move on from the misfortunes we have endured, and I wish to not allow my injury to affect my game any more. There’s only three more weeks of this and I just want to make the best out of it.
I’m tired of the frustration and I’m tired of the losing.
I don’t know how to end this.